I need to be more
by Bracken-Fae
Summary: What do I need to be to get what I want' thats the theme. And I know the title sucks ass. It may make you laugh if you have an odd sense of humour. I'm really not too sure about this fic, but ya know. And also, the little elipsey things wouldnt save. Damn
1. Chapter 1

**I need to be more…**

**Disclaimer before I forget: don't own the characters. Only reason I'm here is cause I felt… writey and my sister and her friend are giggling their heads off next door. Damn 11 year olds and their sleepovers.**

I am totally in this situation right now. That is all I have to say on the matter. Begin!

* * *

Note to self: Be braver.

Walking straight past the doors to my usual hide-out, (the massive gates to the Second District) I'm deciding right there. 'I'm gonna do something about this. It's all gone on too long.'

Has it? How long exactly have I liked him for? Long enough to feel like I'm going to burst if the 'fun-ness' of the chase drags on for two seconds more. Two milliseconds. Two nanoseconds.

Note to self: Don't be so annoying… so… so… Yuffie.

Up the steps, past the entrance to the little-white-things-with-red-baubles-on-their-heads' Synthesis shop thing - whatever it is, I'm thinking 'But, if this does all work out and you started it off with being all… sophisticated and funny and whatnot, then he'll expect you to be all… sophisticated and funny and whatnot for the duration of the relationship.' So I should be myself and if he doesn't like it then… well, I guess I'll just have to live with it. His loss. Or mine. Gawd I want him so much.

Note to self: Don't be so melodramatic.

That's such a cool word. Sharp right, then straight through the elephant-heavy, dark wood doors. What is it, like, mahogany or something? 'Stop being so distracted, Yuf. You need to get to him and fast, before the 'seize the moment' feeling wears off and you're all pathetic again.' Sighing as I almost run towards Cid's little house, the place I know Riku will be. Or hope he'll be.

Note to self: Be more positive.

There's no way he's gonna like you if you're all down and 'Gawd, the world hates me…' but everyone's like that, right? Human condition and all. But Aerith and Kairi are always confident they're gonna get what they want. They're just too darn perfect.

Note to self: Stop with the paranoia. Confidence is the way forward!

That's the reason why they always get the guy in the end, right? They're so confident… they just exude it. They're what you would call brave. So whilst Aerith stands on the backline shouting spells to heal during battle and Kairi is usually the one being fought over, I'm on the front line, battling out in a flurry of swipes, or… err… whatever it's romanticized as, maybe I'm brave for that. But they're brave for the fact that they know that the only way to be loved is to open your heart to everything. Including hurt. Ack, and fear seems to come as a bonus with this specific package. Didn't order that!

Note to self: Sod the freaking notes' to self!

Ah… the door, should I knock? He doesn't even know I know he'll be here.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound feels like it's being echoed, amplified in my mind a gazillion times until my head will explode. Head and the rest of me going to explode in one day. Record. Oh crap, he's at the door and I don't know what to say. How long have I been standing here thinking about the sound my fist makes when it hits the door? Oh crap, more time to make me look like an idiot.

"You OK?" He looks slightly concerned but I'm not sure whether that's just me being hopeful. Probably is… like all the times I could have sworn that he's flirting with me, and then I'm thinking, 'Yuffie you stupid girl, you're just thinking that so you feel better about it'. Oh crap. More time wasted.

"Yeah, listen, Riku…" It hurts to say his name to his face. I've said it so many times when talking to my friends saying it to his face makes me feel like I've just spilled everything I feel already. And I haven't even started yet. How can I be confident to the state of cocky in everything else but this? It's not faiiiir… he's looking at me impatiently. How long have I been standing here? What a stupid question, Yuf, just get on with it. I'm obviously very pale, and I'm shaking, because I'm hearing him asking me if I want to come in, a confused look on his face. Yes. I'm answering yes. Eek… walking is extremely hard right now.

Note to self: Don't fall over. Please don't fall over.

"What's all this about? You seem very… distracted. How did you know I'd be here anyway?" Should I tell him the truth? I begged it out of Kairi, that I've mostly followed him home every day just to be sure, willing myself to walk up and ask if I could walk with him. But I never did. 'Cause I'm not brave enough. Be more brave. I need to be more brave. Just make general conversation. Build up to it. Yeah. Build up to it.

"Just got bored, that's all. Gawd, don't look so worried, I just thought I left the cooker on for a moment there." Ok, so explanation out of the way, perhaps not sufficient because he doesn't look convinced but I'm moving on now. "Whatcha been up to today?"

Note to self: Keep kidding yourself that he doesn't know. Keep kidding yourself that you're confident. That's how you do it.

He's finishing his sentence, it was something boring anyway. Trying to look like I'm listening, I nod and glance momentarily around the small house, it's changed a whole lot since Cid sold it to Riku. I'm looking for something to talk about. So I voice that. This is boring, not the excitement I wanted to find in my visit. He's mid sentence, but somehow I feel comfortable enough to just say it now. So I do.

Note to self: Eeeeek!

He's looking at me. Weirdly. Oh dear. He stands up, asking if I want a drink. What did I do wrong? I follow him into the kitchen area built on to the back of the hut. I bet I look like a lost puppy, I bet he's thinking that now. He's pouring the coffee out with a shaky hand. I can't see his face. I thought that he hated coffee, I can remember him voicing his disgust at the sheer amount of the crap that I drink. I can remember being outraged to the point of 'not being his friend' for a whole five minutes. Finally he had said sorry in that pathetic voice until I'd given in and said 'But only 'cause I'm such a nice person' to which he rolled his eyes.

"Riku?" You know, he's never said my name before. I don't even know if he knows it. Nah, he must. No one can not know my name. Yet I feel like I would die if he just said it the once. He turns to me, a look that says 'I'm not sure whether to smile and pretend you just asked me a question about the weather or something, or be all serious about this' I can't stand looking at him anymore. My fingernails need cleaning. I know, I'll pick at them, that'll distract me. I'm shaking so much.

"I like you, but… just as a friend." Fatal words.

"OK then. Well, I guess I'll be going now." Did I just say that? Way to go Yuf, now run! NO, don't really. Ok, just walk fast. Show yourself out, good good, wave and smile like you usually would, no, don't speak or you'll let it out. The crying, choking feeling. Just go Yuf.

Should I cry? Should I run away and not look back? That sounds the more favourable of the two. I hope he can't see me. I know I shouldn't care but my pride has suffered a serious blow. Proud Yuffie, pride is often a bad thing. Oh shut up.

I'm in my room. Should I like, fling myself down on the bed and sob into my pillow like they do in the movies?

Nah. I can't be arsed with all that destructive stuff.

Yeah, fine, so he likes me as a friend. But I can make it more. Over time, he'll see, he will want me.

* * *

Hope you liked, I've actually had this written up on here for about a week now, I'm not sure why I didn't post it. Too much schoolwork and it smells.

Thanks for reading,

Bracken xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Back with the second chapter! Why shouldn't Yuffie get her happy ending? Well I'm not sure I wanna give her one, I know it's harsh but reality isn't like the storybooks. Ok, I'm contemplating giving her one seeing as the whole story was pretty much 'cause that's what I did. And I got my happy ending. Or something. So here goes.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything at all, except the plot and the note to self's. Are you guys sure they're not just really annoying? Yes, they are making a reappearance. I also don't own the chapter name, well sorta anyway, the original 'Emily's the bitch who gets the guy' was written by Gemz on my pencil case. Hehe. Anyway, Read and review!

* * *

­­­­­­­­ 

**Yuffie's the bitch that gets the guy?**

Note to self: Don't kick the mud like that; it'll get in your shoe.

Yep. It's late, I have mud in my shoe and I'm on my own. Again. Well I'm not technically on my own, because I am friends with Cloud and Aerith and Kairi and Sora and even Squall but its not like I'll willingly tell them all this about the 'confrontation, determination and MEGA flirtation' theory, as I've dubbed it. I can't usually survive without talking to someone about my problems because that's just me, but I don't think that talking to them will help anyone. So looks like its diary time.

Note to self: Stop being such a loser. Diary time my arse crack.

That's such a disgusting phrase. I bet Riku would die if he heard me use it. He seems to find stupid things like that funny. Riku… maybe I'll just sleep up here on the clock tower tonight, if I go back to the Hotel then it'll be the "where have you been"s and the "your dinner is cold"s. Nicht gut. It's not that cold out tonight actually. I'm lying there with my eyes shut, wondering whether he might just turn up and sweep me into his arms when, I'd like to say 'he does and we all lived happily ever after' but that was when I fell asleep.

Note to self: Don't count the days like that. You're not in Alcatraz or wherever, so stop with the freaking tallies!

It's been about three days since the 'incident' with Riku, I haven't seen him since, and I don't know whether he is avoiding me. I wish I could just forget about it, but everything's a sign to me: it's sunny in the morning so it's a good omen; there are mostly 'R's in my alphabet soup or spaghetti, which is an added bonus if you count all the E-numbers in those things. I've seen a couple of his friends around and they looked at me funny but I'm telling myself it's just 'cause I had some chocolate on my top or something. It's not because… he told… or anything. Not thinking that. Refuse to.

Note to self: Get out of bed you lazy bum! It is now 4 days since the Fatal Day.

It's a really gorgeous day, well as gorgeous as it gets here in Traverse Town where it's always night time. I yawn, I'm still tired for some reason, and stroll down to the communal kitchen where everyone is sitting, eating. I grab a plate, a couple (a handful) of butter pat things, sit down and hungrily pull about a gazillion slices of white toast onto my plate, pick up the butter and realise it's not salted. Damn them. I jump up and jog over to the table, telling myself you have to exercise to burn off the calories you have not yet eaten. Not that I care or anything. I'm rummaging in the little wicker basket containing said butter when I feel someone standing next to me.

"Yuffie?" Huh? What's with the… huh? Seems I must have dozed off for a little while. Or maybe I didn't. Oh crap, who is it that just said my name? It sounded uncannily like… "Sorry, I didn't realise you were… er…"

"No, its ok, I don't even think I was. Odd, but oh well." He seems to be sorta skirting around me. "Here" I hand him some butter "I won't bite." Oh crap. Too flirty. He'll know my plan now. Oh crap, he actually took the butter. He's standing, reasonably close to me, smiling and rummaging for non-salted butter. Ok, don't have a seizure, it won't mean anything. Or does it? Will he take me in his arms and say –?

"Look, I just… well…" Oh my gosh, he's not is he? Even though he just cut off my daydream I'm willing to overlook it.

Note to self: Concentrate! What's he trying to say? It's not that he loves me eternally and really regrets what he said, so what then?

"I just wanted to tell you that what you did yesterday was really brave. You're much braver than I am." Aw! Damn you, you and your cuteness!

"Oh," I lower my head so he can't see how heavily I'm blushing and pick at my nails yet again. "I'm really embarrassed about it." He looks at me, my god he is braver than I am, stop making me feel this happy!

"If I was going to go out with anyone then, well, it would be you." Ack! Someone pinch me! This is not real! It can't be! This only happens in the movies… not to a real life… me… oh my gawd.

Note to self: And again, concentrate. Calm down!

I look at him and smile; I'm not entirely sure why he's saying this. Well he must care enough that he wants to make me feel better, that's a good thing. It doesn't mean that he likes me like I like(d) him though. Don't take it like that Yuf. Death sentence.

"I'm not just saying that. I mean it." Oh dear, I know he doesn't, but he obviously cares enough to come and find me. Although it's not hard, he may have just been eating breakfast with Sora and Kairi and spied me up here. Anyway, just smile. Woah. He's changed subject. He's talking to me about something altogether different. How odd!

"Can I sit with you?"

"Course" I grin.

­­­I will get him.

* * *

Whatcha think? I don't know whether I should have carried this on, but oh well. Vampiegurl made me do it! I blame her for everything. I'm not even sure if I like this story anymore. Tell me people, if you think I should leave it as a one-shot.

I just checked through this again and it had soooo many mistakes in it, so I just got rid of them. So, sorry to everyone who read this before, that'll teach me not to check through my stuff before posting it! Also, I am having serious trouble with the third chapter, my writing just doesn't seem to be flowing properly nowadays. But anyway, just don't hold your breath for the next chapter.

Is Yuffie gonna be the bitch that gets the guy?

Thanks for reading!

Bracken xxx


End file.
